Again, I post in my blog. Sometimes I feel as though whenever I post in my blog, I either did something that was very significant, or whenever I’m feeling undeniably emo about some weird thing. Lately I’ve been thinking…do I really care whether I’m in a relationship or not? I’ve been seriously thinking about this. And lately, I’ve began to realize that I really do care, and that it’s really, hard. Hard to think that I would really think about relationships. Of course, it’s probably because I’m a teenager. Oh how I hate being a teenager so much…it’s because of the fact that teenagers (most of them) always have the damned urge to be romantic and a want for love. I don’t know why I can’t be different, but I feel the same way. This is the one thing I hate about myself. I’m a hypocrite. There are so many things that I really dislike about myself, however I know within myself that I should not say things like this, and that it should be the opposite and I need to find the good things within myself. That’s the thing, I fight within myself. I’m fighting me. There is a reason why I, personally, am attached to the idea of balance. Not because it’s cool, not because of the yin yang symbol, not because of silly nonsense that I make up. Because it really is who I am. I am two persons. However I’m not stupid to have to different personalities. More like different variations of myself. The problem is that I have two, and they contrast very much. Very much like black and white. Over time, I learned how to really notice the bad parts of myself and dispose of them, except I realized that I never disposed of it, I just threw it somewhere within myself, to where it would grow. Sometimes these feelings of hatred and unpure thoughts burst through my mind when something bad happens to me. Lately, I’ve been letting Dark appear more than I want. I fool around jokingly about the whole idea, when in reality, the Dark that I create is a lot more Darker than anyone will ever know about. I wish I had someone to be with me, to tell me how stupid I am. Someone to tell me how stupid I am, someone to tell me that I’m just a normal person, someone to tell me that I can in fact lead my own life, someone to tell me that…I have to promise to that person. A promise in which I must never break. A promise…

Although I posted this entry up in my blog, I’d really rather prefer if no one were to respond. I felt that I had to face my problem by letting someone know. However I don’t want anyone’s opinions or advice. I want to learn how to solve it on my own. This is something I must carry on my own.